Sorry I haven’t posted for so long. I’ve been really busy with school and work and life in general haha. Not much has happened recently, I’ve been put on antidepressants but thats about it. My parents are so angry about it, they’re more the sort of “get on with it” type of people, as apposed to the “lets talk about it/ use medication” type. I don’t really care about being out on them, if they make me feel better then i’m all for it. Problem is my parents think I basically exaggerate my anorexia when I go to my treatment team. In truth, they couldn’t be more wrong. I don’t show them how I really feel and then I tell the truth to my team. I see their dilemma but it makes me upset that they think I would put on such a serious mental illness.
Anyway, onto happier things…. oh wait. Sorry, this post is gonna be pretty dark. I’m having a really hard time right now, with everything. I’m now the heaviest i’ve been since i’ve begun to gain weight and in truth, I feel crap. I feel really big and I keep comparing myself to everyone else. Eugh, its so horrible, my team say this is the hardest part (after choosing to gain weight to begin with). I’m now at almost 19 bmi and i’m still waiting for my periods to magically appear. I hate the whole process and my ED thoughts are dominating a huge part of my mind. I lost a bit of weight this week and it worries me how much I liked it. I don’t want to relapse but I think it will happen, just the way I’m feeling right now I think its inevitable. I’ve got to this weight twice and then lost 4kg in the space of 2 weeks both times. I really don’t want it to happen again but I just think it will. And as if that wasn’t enough, one of my really good friends has essentially ditched me – well she ignores me a lot and is basically in complete control of our relationship. She came out to a show with me and my dad and my other friend and my dad commented afterwards about how she just hogged my other friend and cut me out of the conversation completely. I guess I’ve just become used to it but he’s right, she dominates everything –which would be fine if I was still the loud outgoing girl I was before ED, but I’m not. I’m quite quiet now, I like going out but I don’t have to, I’ve changed a lot and I guess our friendship doesn’t really work now that I have. That’s completely my fault, but I still feel bad.
Apart from all that I’ve been ok, I got a prize at prize giving for my GCSE results which was awesome Haven’t really done much else to be honest, just milling around and working. A couple of weeks ago I went up to a conference in nottingham for 4 days and I didn’t eat once, I know it’s not good and I was taken to A&E with hypoglycaemia and low white blood cell count, its weird how bad things can get in such a short space of time. Anyway, new year, new time. I’ll post my new year’s resolutions soon
I have a few foodie pics:
My new obsession: Yoats (yoghurt and oats). LOVE <3
I shall be posting again soon, feel free to comment.
Byeee for now <3